USS BENNINGTON

NAVY HUMOR
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THEN AND NOW




The reason the military is weaker - 1945 And Now
(Why the US doesn't win wars any more)


1945-
Rifles were made of wood and steel, shot a .30 caliber bullet and killed the enemy.
Now-
Rifles are made of plastic and aluminum, shoot a .22 caliber bullet, and wound the enemy.


1945-
The winning side used a US made .45 Caliber pistol, The losers used a European 9mm.
Now-
We use a European 9 mm pistol. Nobody uses the .45.


1945-
If you said "damn", people knew you were annoyed and avoided you.
Now-
If you say "damn" you better be talking about a hydroelectric plant.


1945-
NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
Now-
Everyone has an Internet computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.


1945-
We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
Now-
We put the real thing in the cockpit.


1945-
If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off.
Now-
If you get drunk any time they slap you in rehab and ruin your whole career.


1945-
You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
Now-
You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you are out of ammo.


1945-
Canteens were made out of steel. You could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
Now-
Canteens are made of plastic. You can't heat anything in them and they always taste like plastic.


1945-
Officers were professional soldiers first. They commanded respect.
Now-
Officers are politicians first. They beg not to be given a wedgie.


1945-
They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
Now-
They collect our pee and analyze it.


1945-
If you don't act right, the commander might put you in the stockade till you straighten up.
Now-
If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.


1945-
Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
Now-
Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the time.


1945-
You slept in a barracks, like a soldier.
Now-
You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid.


1945-
You ate in a Mess Hall. It was free and you could have all the food you wanted.
Now-
You eat in a dining facility. Every slice of bread or pat of butter costs, and you can only have one.


1945-
We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
Now-
We cant even beat Iraq or Yugoslavia.


1945-
If you wanted to relax, you went to the Rec Center, played pool, smoked and drank beer.
Now-
You go to the Community Center and can still play pool.


1945-
If you wanted a beer and conversation you could go to the NCO or Officers Club.
Now-
The beer will cost you $1.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.


1945-
You could buy quartermaster gas tax free because it was on a military reservation.
Now-
AAFES charges you the tax but pockets the money themselves because it is on a military reservation.


1945-
The BX/PX had bargains for GI's who didn't make much money.
Now-
You can get better merchandise cheaper at Wal Mart.


1945-
We could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
Now-
We are wearing the Nazi helmets.


1945-
Victory was declared when the enemy was dead and all his things were broken.
Now-
Victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry.


1945-
If you killed an enemy soldier, you could bring home his rifle as a trophy.
Now-
If you bring home anything at all as a trophy you get a court martial.


1945-
A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
Now-
A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.


1945-
After the war, you could buy your own rifle off the government,cheap.
Now-
You cant be trusted with your own rifle, and you'll be jailed if you ever get one.


1945-
Wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
Now-
Wars are planned and run by politicians with lots of important panty raids.


1945-
We knew we were fighting for freedom. The country was committed to winning.
Now-
We don't know what we are fighting for. The government is committed to Socialism.


1945-
All you could think of was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
Now-
All you can think of is getting out and becoming a civilian again.







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